It's Magic!

Scene: our car; in the drive-through at Dairy Queen.
Why: Oreo Blizzard, Duh.

Rocket Man: Do you have any cash?

Me: No...oh, wait, yes. In my wallet.

[rummage around in the diaper bag for my wallet, find it (score!) and open it to take out some cash to find a five dollar bill]

RM: Where'd you get THAT?!?! (ALL INCREDULOUSLY LIKE)

Me: Um, at that place, you know...the BANK? (ALL DUH LIKE)

RM: (laughs) Oh, there.

Me: No, I MADE it!!!! It's Magic!!!!

RM: Miss Thing, your mother is a counterfeiter; we're all going to jail.

Me: No way, not if it's magic!!

End Scene.

What say you, internets? If it is indeed magic (which automatically says it is untraceable, etc.), then are we going to jail?

Best Funny of the Day

Here's a little something I began on the 29th and finished up this evening:

I have yet to try it on the child, so I don't know if I'll go back and add some optional sleeve-age or not...nor do I have any idea if it will fit her.

We shall see.

Now on the to what was our best funny of the day.

I was perusing the internets when Perpetual Motion decided to join me on the sofa. After much harumphing to get herself up onto the seat, she cuddled up with me to see what was on the screen.

We came to some information about the new stamps for 2010, and when she saw the Mother Teresa stamp, she pointed at her, smiled up at me and very proudly declared "Grand-Dad".

It had to be someone from her world, after all...

She also informed me that Sandra Bullock is her aunt, R-Shelly.

I am fairly certain both were meant as compliments.

A Conversation With My Headache

Alternate title: Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

I saw that you called.

And that you left a message.

I meant to call back, really I did.

Yes, I know, I couldn't have been that busy.

I don't know what to say. I apologize for hurting your feelings. I must say, though – you didn't need to go to this extreme. I get it, really I do. I'm sorry.

Yes, but we’re going on six days here. I repeat: SIX DAYS.

Note to self: I shouldn't have raised my voice; that just makes you worse.

There was a time when we had an...arrangement. You and I would meet about twice a month and...deal with one another. I believe that you had the best of that arrangement, for most of what I remember are – if I was lucky - dark rooms with naps or – if not so lucky, as was more often the case – searing pain for the duration. Your presence accompanied by children ‘playing’ instruments wasn't very beneficial for me. You, however were able to strive in that situation, growing and causing more of a ripple with every shake, hit and tap. I admire your fortitude, really I do. This time, however? A little much, I must say.

I know, I know – I moved across the ocean and you were somewhat left behind. Granted, you were not gone completely – we did manage to keep in touch, believe me we were, but as with many things, I am unable to spend as much time with you as I once was.

What did you expect with the Atlantic Ocean between us?

No, I did not break up with you, I promise! How exactly would one 'break up' with a condition such as yourself anyway? You thought we were friends, but did we have a friendly relationship – truly? I was not aware that you viewed our interactions as a full-fledged friendship. Granted, when you were around me, I spent all of my time focused on you – you are very demanding in that way. A friendship, though? Seriously? I think you misunderstand the meaning of the word friend.

Friend

1. somebody emotionally close to another – one who has a close personal relationship of mutual affection and trust with another
2. acquaintance – one who has a casual relationship with another
3. ally – one who is not an enemy
4. advocate – one who assists, defends or supports a person

I am quite certain that you are batting 25% here. The only part of that definition that you can possibly claim to be true between us is acquaintance. Yes, I know who you are and you know me. That is the extent of my good feelings towards you, however. I suspect that it is the end of yours towards me.

I feel absolutely no affection towards you. Who in their right mind would, considering you put me out of commission in a very bad way whenever you are around?

I definitely do not trust you; quite the opposite, in fact. You never go away when you say you will. Instead, you tease and then remain, making my life miserable.

You are not an ally. I mean, seriously. What kind of ally would show up on snow days, when I don't have to work, so that I cannot enjoy the day at home or even get any extra work done?!?

Finally, you do not assist me, but hinder me. You never defend me, and I get no support from you at all. Instead, it feels as if I, in my pain, support you and assist you in your daily goals. Let me tell you that I hold up my end of the bargain. I would know, wouldn't I, if you achieve success?

So you see, this has really been a one-sided 'friendship'. One where you constantly gain and I indefinitely lose. I am quite tired of our 'friendship' to say the least. In fact, since you brought it up, I think a break is indeed a good idea. And no, I don’t mean that we 'take a break' to see how we feel about each other. In this type of adolescent relationship we have, we all know that 'taking a break' is code for 'we’re done' anyway. Since you have been gracing me with your presence these last six days in an indefinite manner, I propose that we break up for an indefinite length of time.

That's right; this means we won’t be spending any time together for a while. We won’t be talking either, so no more phone calls and no more messages.

Yes, I'll let you know when I am ready to see you again.

I wouldn't hold my breath if I were you.

Then again, maybe you should...it would make my life easier.