July 31, 2007

Guilty As Charged

Call DPS*; a crime has been committed.

At approximately 10:07 PM on the evening of July 29th, 2007 it was discovered that a certain doggy, hereafter referred to as Chompy-Lones, AKA Pantalones Cortez, is a victim of neglect.

According to Chompy-Lones, AKA Pantalones Cortez, himself, it was only after 'months' of desertion that he was finally released from his dire predicament.

Note: the actual amount of time spent in isolation may be off as we are dealing with a canine persona; his grasp of a 'time line' appears vague.

According to the suspect in custody, after performing his ritual Sunday chore of ironing clothes for the week ahead, he replaced the iron and ironing board in the so-called 'third bedroom'.

Note: Suspect seems to be referring to what, at first glimpse, is a guest bedroom/storage room, AKA the scene of the crime.

After this iron and ironing board replacement, no member of the household saw paw nor hair of Chompy-Lones, AKA Pantalones Cortez.

An occasional "woof" was overheard in the midst of loud and intense Ninja Gaiden: Sigma playing. Multiple times the game was paused only to hear silence.

Suspect believed Chompy-Lones, AKA Pantalones Cortez, had simply done what he is known to do most nights: get fed-up with his owners and go to bed.

Suspect repeatedly asked his wife "Is Chompy in bed?" to which she replied "I don't know."

No one checked.

Not once.

From 7:35 pm until 10:07 pm.

That's correct: over 2.5 hours.

At this time, suspect teased Chompy-Lones, AKA Pantalones Cortez by calling for him to come and "go outside".

Chompy-Lones, AKA Pantalones Cortez did not 'come' because he could not.

He had been 'locked' in the 'third bedroom' with no air-conditioning and no lights for over 2.5 hours.

In fact, he had to shake his body, and therefore his collar in order for his so-called parents to 'find' him.

Note: in their favor, once 'found', Chompy-Lones, AKA Pantalones Cortez was taken outside, given water, and loved and played with until content. This was partly necessary because he wanted to go out to the living room and take part in the section of the evening he had missed: sleeping on the sofa until he grumbles and takes himself to bed. As the owners were ready to sleep, this option was not available. He was appeased and then all slept.

Assessment: we shall be keeping an eye on the lot of them.

*Doggy Protective Services

1 comment:

Mike said...

Hahahahaha!!! Done that many a time with the Jackster myself. I always enjoy the bleery eyed emergence from the dark room into the world of the living. Not unlike Saturday mornings in college....